Lessons I Learned the Hard Way
How many of these things are you actually doing?
I turned 38 earlier this year and didn’t really think about it. But I’ve been taking some time off lately and started reflecting a bit.
There are many things I’ve learned from others, mostly by reading books. But there are some things that you can only learn the hard way. By just going through life.
Let me share these lessons with you here. Not so you can learn from them (because I bet you already know these things), but just to remind you of how important they are.
Life moves faster than you think the older you get: When you’re young, you have time and no money. As you get older, you acquire more money and objects and you lose time. Always remember that.
Career is not the most important thing: On your deathbed, will you regret that you didn’t work harder? I don’t think so. Work matters. But there are other important things too.
Money will come: Just keep doing what you’re good at and keep improving yourself. The money will come eventually if you keep at it. Just make sure you do the right thing and are good at what you do.
Your ideal partner is out there: I got married a few months before I turned 38. Before I met my wife, dating just didn’t feel right. So I never pursued any serious relationships. When you meet your ideal partner, you know. Until that time, don’t settle.
Patience is a virtue: Nothing to say about this. Just remind yourself daily to be patient with everything.
Giving back to family is natural: It’s good to be there for your siblings and parents. Don’t keep score. When it comes to family, it’s okay to give.
If you’re not ready for love, wait: You don’t have to date and actively find a partner if you’re not ready for it. Focusing on yourself is not selfish. It can actually be beneficial in the long run. Just make sure you have a good reason for waiting.
Frugality is freedom: Spending money is fun but it’s also restricting you. If you live a frugal life you have more freedom because you’re not desperate for money. When people say, “I can’t bring my money to the grave,” they don’t understand that having freedom has more value than the stuff they buy.
Do the right thing: Always aim to do the right thing and you never have to worry about anything. When you’re able to look at yourself in the mirror without negativity, you go to bed worry free.
Good things in life are gifts: Nothing in life is a given. Every day you’re healthy is a gift. And so is every other good thing in life.
What others do or say is of no importance: Never forget that. You need to care about what you think about yourself.
Confidence is earned: The more you do something, the better you get, and the more confident you feel. So if you’re just starting with something and you feel uncertain, understand that’s normal. In time you will feel more confident.
Peace of mind doesn’t come for free: You earn peace by doing difficult things. Confront your fears, tackle uncomfortable conversations, and fix the issues you’ve been avoiding. Peace of mind is your reward.
Life is too short for bad relationships: Cut out toxic friendships and pointless connections quickly. Surround yourself with people who add value, inspire you, and genuinely care about your growth.
Friendship is often about proximity: In The Netherlands we have a saying, “Out of the eye, out of the heart.” Unfortunately, we lose touch with the people we don’t see. This is why you don’t see your friends from school or from your past jobs anymore. And that’s okay. Everyone is focused on themselves.
Good friends are valuable: And then there are the few good friends you always stay in touch with. Enjoy each other’s presence.
You can’t please everyone: The people you care about have different opinions, priorities, and wants. You can’t always please every important person in your life. Just do your best and be kind. That’s all you can do. After all, it’s your life.
Moderation is the best strategy for a long and happy life: Hustle culture glorifies extremes, but true success is about balance. Work hard, and rest well. Be ambitious but don’t get attached to money or recognition. Always find the balance.
People forget: You know, people are so self-centered that they don’t care about you. So stop being so self-conscious.
Your mind is not your friend: All those thoughts that pop up in your mind are just thoughts. You really don’t have to act on every single thought that comes into your consciousness. That’s the primary reason so many people are miserable. They think that all their thoughts are things they have to do. Just ignore it.
Life is always the same: Whether you have a lot of money, status, or recognition, you get used to everything. One thing you can’t buy is contentment. Stop focusing on your circumstances. Just be content and tune out the noise.
The small things are the best: A day off, going out with your friends, having dinner with family, reading a book on a sunny day. The best things in life are the small things. Enjoy them!
Taking time to reflect is one of the best things you can do for yourself. You will find that you’re not doing half the things you’ve learned.
I hope this list gave you enough things to think about.
When times are hard, some people complain. And as they complain about the hard times, they shut themselves off from the opportunities that lie within their troubles.
Other people have learned to be patient. They look for the lessons within their hardships or troubles.
Harold Klemp , Love—The Keystone of Life
Beautiful reminders, Darius! A lot makes sense, and the one on marriage and relationships gives me much hope! I’ve never found the one to marry, nor have I wanted to, and seeing the media flooded with marriages and related things often makes me wonder and doubt myself, thinking "why not me?" Yeah, maybe all in its divine time!